are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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