I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
