we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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