Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
