What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
