seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
