dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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