We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
