You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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