how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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