is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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