mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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