I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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