So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
