He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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