She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
