HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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