i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
