Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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