I'm so fucking centered right now
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
