im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
