Non-Jews are for practice
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
