i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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