I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
A bitchslap is in order.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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