Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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