Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
