You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
