did you get engaged???
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
