My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
