So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
