So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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