oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
