That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
