Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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