I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
