Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
