just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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