3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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