My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
