Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You pole danced in your parka.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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