So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
