he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
