puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Damn victory sex feels great
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
