you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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