she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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