You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
