She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
