I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I love you.
Bad choice
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
