The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
