i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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