Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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