By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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