oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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