Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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