He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
