hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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