Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize