I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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