How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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