She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
NoShamevember. You game?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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