twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
