Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
