Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
