i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
