1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
