I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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