Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
