I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
