There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
