Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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