I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
