Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm getting married
To pizza
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
