The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
