you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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