I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
