i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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