After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
