It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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