Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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