any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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