the condom got lost in my hair
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
PANTIES FOUND
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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