She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
