you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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