Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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