dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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