i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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